A lot of what I say today is going to sound cliché but I want you to know that they are true and hold deep meaning for me. I wasn’t off to a great start at the beginning of the year. In fact, the first 3 months of this year were one of my lowest in a long time. Nothing I did in my personal, professional or spiritual life seemed to be working. I almost fell into a depression.
I read somewhere that sometimes, God let us hit rock bottom so that we see that He is the Rock at the bottom. I sort of drew strength from that. I pretty much clung to anything that would give me hope and the will to move forward. I had just come out of a depression the year before and I was determined to never go back to that endless dark hole of nothingness.
In my part of the world, depression is not taken seriously and is hardly considered or treated as an actual illness. After all, I was of the same school of thought before I experienced it myself. It’s a really horrible and painful thing for anyone to go through and sometimes, it’s just emptiness, void of any emotion. That emptiness, that inability to feel any emotion is, in my opinion, worse than any pain. But let’s deal with depression on a later date, shall we? Now on to more cheer.
Fast forward to April and I decided to do a spring clean on my life. Or should I say, an overhaul. I’m gonna turn 30 next year and I wanted to be sure I was preparing to become the kind of woman I would love to be at 30. The decision to change my life and the realization that the power to do that was in my hands, were both empowering and liberating. No more holding on to a job that was not letting me grow and was draining all my energy, no more friends that were not willing to move forward, no more engaging in activities that were not worth my while, no more half measures, no more.
I was determined to do more of what I love, to stoke the fires of my passion, to disengage from any activity in which I would not be fully active, to experience life and not just live through it, to laugh more, to dance more and spread the gospel of Christ through dance, to spend more time with my family and very dear friends, to impact the lives of those around me positively, to grow and embrace change and move forward.
I probably sound like a motivational speaker right now, but its all true. I’ve realized that I’m not like most people around me and find it hard to conform to norms as I know them a la go to school, get a job, get married and have children. While all these are good things to aspire to and are precious gifts from the Father, I crave an identity in addition to of all that. I want more out of life and I’ve realized that wishful thinking won’t get me there (well I always knew that, but I silently wished for a windfall as I slowly dragged my feet through life). I regret all the bad decisions I’ve made and all the opportunities I’ve passed up out of fear, laziness and indecision. But I’m not going to let that immobilize me. I going to lick my wounds and move forward. I know I’ll make more mistakes along the way, but by Jove, I’m gonna get up again.
I’ve got a new job, a new place and I’m more involved in my dance club, in church and with my family. And then I’ve got Koltureshoq. Its been such a joy crafting and sharing my projects on this blog. I knew it would be fun but I never knew how much. I’ve learned so much through blogging and discovered so much about myself that I never knew. I’ve met so many wonderful and creative people who I would not have met otherwise and who have made my life richer. Special thanks to Allison @ Dream A Little Bigger who took out time to explain link parties to me (you should see her really long email). For someone I’d never met, I was deeply touched and pleasantly surprised that she would go all the way for me. She’s been very supportive and has been my biggest cheerleader. I’m also grateful to Jessica of Plucky’s Second Thought who gave me the opportunity to guest blog.
And to you my dear followers, visitors and viewers, that put up with me (and my not-so-good pictures) and take the time to go through my blog and leave me beautiful and encouraging comments. You truly hold a special place in my heart and make me want to be better. I’m also grateful for the opportunity of meeting some really creative crafters/bloggers who have blessed the blogosphere with their awesome talents.
I hope 2014 brings us good health, love, laughter, conquest and the beautiful knowledge of Christ. Do more of what you love and don’t let anyone or any situation tell you its impossible. I’m possible.
Lots of love and deep appreciation,